So guys, I’ve completely fallen to the bottom again. I don’t see any better days ahead. I’m losing on a daily basis. Last week I managed to turn 2k around and now I’m back to zero again. It’s endless suffering and a cycle. It’s hard for me to get back into any kind of normal daily routine.
Honestly, my girlfriend is gone. My grandparents when they found out I’m in financial trouble and have almost nothing disappeared too. The only person who reached out to me was my mother, with a small financial help, and we hadn’t spoken for a year.
My girlfriend is already with a new guy who has money and can provide everything for the whole month. I was just lying around, drinking and gambling nonstop. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror anymore how unbearable it is, and how I owe the banks 5k again.
No one understands it, and I’m starting to lose the meaning of life, or any sense that better days are coming they’re nowhere in sight. In times of need you truly find out who stands by you and who doesn’t, and I’m saying this completely openly.
Gamban doesn’t help me, hospitalization didn’t help me either. Every time money comes in, I get the urge to throw it all back in again. And when I win, the dopamine hit is so strong that I forget about reality and continue into self-destruction.
I’ve been in groups for a long time, here on Reddit too, and nothing helps me keep motivation anymore. My father and uncle gambled as well they’re in heaven now, and I guess the same fate awaits me: without family, without children, without anyone. Thanks, and take care, people.
View Reddit by Practical_Water_9636 – View Source
Very powerful post as I can definitely relate to it as I’m writing it myself. You said it right every time I get money and the urge to go be self-destructive. It’s so weird when we win that dopamine hit acts like all of our problems are solved. That’s so far from the truth.
The problem with me, and I’m sure many of us. I can’t find any dopamine enjoyment outside of gambling… That would solve everything if we can find pure enjoyment elsewhere. But nope. Nothing compares to that short term dopamine high of winning. I’m new to these threats and all I know is every time I read them. It helps me a lot. I sure hope I can’t act on. Actually stopping. But who am I kidding soon as I write that I don’t believe it damn, I do wanna stop. I do want to stop this financial destruction. I’m completely broke. I just need to find something to replace it.
Anyways, thank you for your post and yes, I feel sadness all through it and I’m sorry about that
You need to go through some pain brother. Thats how it starts to get better. You need to forgive yourself, accept the losses and use everything bad that happened to you as motivation to push trough. And remember, the beginning is really hard but at least you will go to sleep knowing that you did not gamble today.
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I’m so sorry to hear this. Is there a reason you feel blocking apps dont help you?