Support from a spouse who’s been there..

I'd like to start this off by saying I was aware of my partner's gambling problem before we got together (though it wasn't this bad). I was the kind of person who thought you could help them heal from this addiction. It's been over 10 years of fights, resentment, anger, support, trauma, love, hate, losses, wins, advice, and so much more.

When you have children involved, you do what you can to help their parent out so they can see the good in them. The highs, the lows, and the in-betweens. You want them to see the good in it all, but when does it become enough?

I'm a little frozen in writing this, because of what I endured in these last years & months. Understanding addiction is a problem, seeking for help is a great solution, but when do you actually trust anything anymore? In most years, I saw a slight change (after massive losses), but it always seemed to come back to the same situation and they make you feel bad about it. You dimmed your light to make them feel bigger and took your own losses so you could help them. In return, you got the classic "you don't understand me, the way you are makes me choose this path, if you would just leave me alone and let me be, I'd make different choices and have a win because I can do this. I can out beat the system. I know what to pick and what to do, it's you"

I've tried it all. Leaving them alone to do their thing (& getting yelled at for doing so). Telling them not to go that route (b/c they advised this) to stop them in their tracks. Taking away phones/computers (but them finding a way anyway). Disconnecting bank accounts (& getting screamed at for doing so). Saving money for yourself to leave (& waking up it's all gone because they found a way to get to it). Borrowing money from others (to help pay his dues & never getting a thank you). Borrowing money to leave (& moving too fast you get scammed on a home making you stay stuck). Disconnecting wifi (just to get screamed at b/c they can't watch a game). Getting family involved to help (but they give up & end up talking normal again b/c that's not their problem (parents/siblings included)). In the last 10 years, the situations that have happened probably would be a good book of pure pain and sadness with in-between moments of glory of wins & calms, but it feels like the chapters repeat itself.

What do you do when you feel like you tried everything to help someone who doesn't really want to be helped? You can't talk to your friends about anything, because it's been the same story and your hope when good things happen just isn't enough anymore to speak about things. You feel trapped in a situation but is doing things to earn more income to leave better. At the end, it's not only hurting you to see your kids get treat with so much disrespect because of this person, it hurts them and your answers may not be something that can help them right now.

I'm writing this, because I feel like I have no one to turn to because no one around me goes through this..I want to speak my truth and felt this is the place to do this. Help is needed for me, but who does one turn to anymore? When you burnt out your resources for someone who at the end of the day will turn on you so quickly you would think they didn't know you.

Here a events that have happened and you can be the one to determine, if I was really the evil person they say I am or it's their addiction trying to make a person feel bad

• Loss $3,200 New Years Day after promising they would not gamble again (spending my portion of rent on it that I sent them & getting a letter of late notice in the mail)
• Made a deal to not gamble the rest of the year due to this (then catches them at night playing online casino games) Days later..they get our 8 year old to sit down and play casino games (loses & gets upset with the child (he's suppose to be lucky))
• Asks for $ to pay a debt he caused by selling jewelry (& needs to extend the loan on it) – saying no b/c I would not help anything if he was gambling (gets mad, yells some mean shit at you, throws the phone close to a wall near you) – wakes up all the kids and yells at the kids for "not loving him" (to children under 10)
• Doesn't put out for any groceries but eats everything in a drunken or high rampage (leaving none for the kids & saying oh well)
• Wins $$$ then gambles it away next day blaming the house "causing them stress"
• Wins $$ you advise to pay all bills and save a little for a rainy day (books a vacation for the family & we come back to $0)
• Wins $$ & can't wait 24 hours to cash out (goes back to playing & loses everything)
• You ask for help & you receive some help (then he gets to $0 & expects you to help b/c "they always help you")
• When they lose "it's both of our loss" & you have to help contribute to the debt.
• When they win "it's not your win" you have no say in what to do with it (ends up losing it back anyways)
• Gambles any & everything even when debt to others is high (causing your relationship with others to be a loss, because you're associated with them)
• Covering all bills (& then be expected to cover alcohol/drugs for them "b/c you know i'll pay you back"

$ symbol can mean anywhere between $50-$15,000 (there was a win over $80,000 at one point. All lost in a matter of months, minutes, days, you name it. The timeline of ups and downs is not pretty.

What do you do when you cared for someone else's wellbeing because of this addiction, but feel trapped to leave (b/c you're out of resources at the moment)? Has anyone ever been in a situation this bad? Many other events thru life has happened..but is it worth saying anything anymore?