So today I lost the remainder of my money on online blackjack. I know what you’ll gonna say,” online blackjack have the worst odds etc……”. I know all of it that the house always wins. I know the math that in the long run you’ll lose all of your money.
Knowing all this and still gambling is the worst part.
It feels so stupid still you have such a compulsion to play regardless of the tolls it takes on your life.
I had ample amount of opportunities to get out of this situation.
For context :
Currently I am in debt of around 100000.
It’s not that big amount I know that I can pay it back.
What I am really scared of is this.
I had similar debts in the past because of the same reason. I repaid them and thought to myself self okay a clean start. Now I won’t gamble ever again but even before I have time to blink the cycle starts again. Blowing out money, borrowing, losing, in debt, regret, anger and everything else which comes with gambling addiction.
I had people who helped me out in times of need and I feel I let everyone down because I gambled again and I am in debt again. It’s stupid period.
The Amount of time and money I wasted on gambling is just atrocious, I could have done so much better for myself.
Even all this blabbering feels like a scam to me because even after this next time I get my hands on money i am going to gamble.
At this point I feel like I don’t even deserve help because it a pattern .I ask for help, I get the help. Next time I have some alone time and money I gamble.
I have lost all hopes of ever getting over this addiction.
This addiction has changed me completely, I don’t even recognise myself anymore, it has filled me with self hatred, self loathing and I feel like a crazy person now.
I used to be kind, caring, compassionate and loving.
Gambling made me bitter, anxious, lost in my own world.
I can’t take out time for people I love and care about. Mostly because either I am gambling or getting over the fact that I gambled all my money and now I have no money for my expenses or to repay the debts.
I did things I would have never done if gambling wasn’t a part of my life.
Gambling has ruined my life and it has ruined me.
Still after all this I can’t quit gambling. I just feel like it’s a lost battle and I think I am unfit for anything good in life I just deserve the worst of everything.
Fuck gambling.
Never gamble.
I hope in future I quit gambling but I don’t know how will that happen.
I am open to suggestions and questions.
Help me out if you can!
I really need it!
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I understand your pain. Gambling addiction is one of the hardest things to overcome mentally because of the crazy dopamine rush it gives. I would suggest you to do anything that adds friction between you and gambling. Anything that will turn 10 deposits a day to 1 or 2, I’m not saying it needs self control. For example I tender to drink whenever I wanted to play poker so I made a rule to play only between the time I start drinking and the 180 ml bottle ends. This made me cut down on drinking as well as playing poker. Now I found a way to block access on ios and that’s working. The more friction you add the more time you get to reflect on how futile online blackjack is
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Recovery is not linear. Learn from your relapse and try to understand why it happened and what might be ways to prevent it in the future.
1- understand that you are addicted to gambling and the only solution is to be gambling free for life
2- self exclude from all local and national jurisdictions as well as online and crypto casinos and betting sites
3- seek treatment in the form of medication for gambling use disorder and cognitive behavioral therapy
4- divest your finances to a trusted person and ask your bank and credit card issuer to block all gambling transactions
5- tell loved ones and family about your addiction and seek their help and support in beating it
6- ask to be referred to a mental health provider if you have a dual diagnosis that includes depression, anxiety or bipolar disorder etc…