I come in here every so often to share my story as it makes me feel better having somewhere to be honest with myself.
I have messed up really badly, 4 months ago I relapsed into gambling. I had been paying off my debt regularly and was doing well and on track to be debt free by August this year.
I had big plans, we were going to move house, get a dog, go on holiday, none of this can happen now. My debt has spiralled from £6k to over £27k thanks to certain crypto casinos accepting credit card payments to buy gift cards.
An extra little kick in the teeth is that the gift cards actually cost about 30% more than their value so that is literally just throwing money away.
I feel trapped, I am behind on debt payments because I gambled that away this month and i do feel alone.
However, I know my life isn’t ruined. I will be okay, whatever happens I will be fine eventually. The things that could “destroy” my life would be when my partner eventually finds out about this massive increase in debt and she may decide to leave me. That would hurt me but I would understand and I’d go back to living with my parents.
Life is hard, and the reality of addiction is that we are taking a gamble, both financially and with our lives. I realised when I place a bet I think to myself about “if I lose, things can’t get much worse” but it’s not true, I am gambling with my current way of life.
I’ve always told myself that I am not hurting anyone as the money I’ve lost and the debt is all mine. But that’s not true, I’m hurting my friends and family because I won’t be able to experience certain things with them. I am distant, anxious and that will be putting strain on them. Have I wasted years of my partners life by leading her on with these false expectations of our future?
Addiction is rough, but the only way forward is accountability, which unfortunately is easier said than done.
Happy Monday everyone.
View Reddit by bendamin_button – View Source
Thank U for sharing. I have BP. Can you relate to the below? My meds really help me with urges.
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Why Bipolar Disorder Strongly Increases Gambling Addiction Risk
Being bipolar significantly increases the risk of developing a gambling addiction because of how the illness affects impulse control, reward processing, and judgment—especially during manic or hypomanic episodes. In these states, the brain is flooded with dopamine, which increases risk-taking, creates exaggerated confidence, and weakens the ability to foresee negative consequences. Gambling fits perfectly into this neurochemical environment: it is fast, unpredictable, and provides immediate rewards, all of which intensely stimulate the same brain circuits already overstimulated in mania.
Mania also distorts thinking in ways that make gambling feel rational. People in a manic state often believe they have special insight, winning “systems,” or exceptional luck. They overestimate their ability to control outcomes, which leads to chasing losses, increasing bet sizes, and ignoring financial limits. The brain’s normal braking system—fear, caution, and long-term planning—is impaired, so decisions are driven by emotion and sensation rather than logic.
Even outside of full mania, bipolar disorder involves chronic mood instability, which makes gambling especially appealing as a form of emotional regulation. During depressive phases, gambling can temporarily relieve numbness or despair by providing stimulation, hope, and a sense of possibility. Over time, the brain learns that gambling is a fast way to escape emotional pain or amplify excitement, reinforcing the behavior through powerful conditioning.
This creates a destructive loop: mania fuels risk-taking, depression fuels escape, and gambling becomes the bridge between the two. That cycle is why people with bipolar disorder develop gambling addiction at far higher rates than the general population.