I’ve always had an addictive personality. It started with downloading the state’s app to buy a lottery ticket, then I noticed the app had slots. Lost some money playing those, then decided to download a real casino app. Lost money there too. This was personal money in my solo fun money bank account, but I still felt like I was lying by omission to my wife. I felt guilty and ashamed. I felt scared how easily I lost control. I knew well enough from other addictions earlier in life where this was heading. I decided to put a stop to it before I did lasting damage to my finances and my marriage.
I decided to self exclude from iGaming. A month goes by, I get an invite to a bachelor party. We are staying at a casino. Turns out if you self exclude from online gambling, this casino (or maybe all of them?) cross bans you from every physical location.
So all weekend I am scurrying around, nervous and avoiding security or any situation where I’d have to show ID as I am technically trespassing. I had to tell my friends what was happening and felt embarrassed. I laughed off their jokes, but it really hurt.
I’m so mad at myself that I can’t handle something that for everybody else on the trip was a fun lighthearted activity, and I created an embarrassing and stressful situation for myself as a result. Despite being banned from gambling, I found myself sneaking it and lost $200. This was senseless because, had I won a jackpot, I probably wouldn’t have been allowed to cash out. So I was burning money for nothing.
I didn’t intend to ban myself from physical casinos, but it appears I’ve done so for life, so I guess I’m looking for validation that my mistake was a blessing in disguise. I hope I caught a problem early and stopped it before it got truly out of control. I hope I did the right thing.
I hope I look back at this screw up as a kindness I did for myself.
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I have Bipolar. You sound like me/friends. If your BP real hope friend. I was diagnosed in 2019. August I found hard rock app. Lost $37k. Wun over 4 times that. My doctor titrated my meds four weeks ago and it helped a ton. I have critical thinking again. If the 👇 you relate you might be BP. In that case you have a real chance at getting to the route of the problem.
Why Bipolar Disorder Strongly Increases Gambling Addiction Risk
Being bipolar significantly increases the risk of developing a gambling addiction because of how the illness affects impulse control, reward processing, and judgment—especially during manic or hypomanic episodes. In these states, the brain is flooded with dopamine, which increases risk-taking, creates exaggerated confidence, and weakens the ability to foresee negative consequences. Gambling fits perfectly into this neurochemical environment: it is fast, unpredictable, and provides immediate rewards, all of which intensely stimulate the same brain circuits already overstimulated in mania.
Mania also distorts thinking in ways that make gambling feel rational. People in a manic state often believe they have special insight, winning “systems,” or exceptional luck. They overestimate their ability to control outcomes, which leads to chasing losses, increasing bet sizes, and ignoring financial limits. The brain’s normal braking system—fear, caution, and long-term planning—is impaired, so decisions are driven by emotion and sensation rather than logic.
Even outside of full mania, bipolar disorder involves chronic mood instability, which makes gambling especially appealing as a form of emotional regulation. During depressive phases, gambling can temporarily relieve numbness or despair by providing stimulation, hope, and a sense of possibility. Over time, the brain learns that gambling is a fast way to escape emotional pain or amplify excitement, reinforcing the behavior through powerful conditioning.
This creates a destructive loop: mania fuels risk-taking, depression fuels escape, and gambling becomes the bridge between the two. That cycle is why people with bipolar disorder develop gambling addiction at far higher rates than the general population.
Nothing is ever lost by not gambling! If you just had a small loss experience and it scared you, good! Because it is really scary how it goes, and hopefully you never have to find out. So did you do the right thing, banning yourself, yes. Continuing after, pointless. Avoid at any cost.