I usually come to Reddit and read the stories under this sub. At minimum, I'll try responding to at least a handful of people with encouraging words. But today, today I'm blank.
I've been dealing with this quiet addiction for a year now, and am unable to comprehend why I cannot quit for good.
Not really in the mood to break it all down. If I could be honest, I'm so annoyed, hurt, lost and more. These thoughts that keep creeping in my mind are dark. The number one motivating factor is my wife and daughter, that's the only reason why I don't want to act on these thoughts.
My failure to this disease has caused me to view my overall self as loser, irresponsible, selfish idiot. My thoughts tells me my wife silently is embarrassed of me, my thoughts tells me I'm not good for her, my thoughts tell me I'm blocking my family from progressing. As a result, that's why I could careless if I breated my last breath in this very moment.
I feel unfixable, broken, disoriented and completely lost.
How, how can something that frustrates me SO MUCH (gambling) cause me to keep going back to it. WTF…Why am I unable to decipher this..
I'm a praying man, but lately, it feels God hasn't been responding.
I'm spiraling 🤦🏽♂️
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