So I have had a couple psychotic episodes from smoking weed. Since the episodes I cannot control my gambling. I have lost every paycheck down to zero every month this year. It’s like I’m not in control similar to having a psychotic break, possibly triggered by a dopamine flood. I literally play it down to actual zero everytime. I have so many things to fix with the money but I cannot stop as soon as I get paid I instantly lose everything. I’m sober and work so hard but the day I get paid I just throw it all away for no reason. I am so sick. The psychological trauma is disturbing. I also have severe depression, adhd and ocd which I think has created a deadly cocktail for gambling addiction. I am not in control as soon as the first deposit goes in it all disappears. BTW I’m $125k down this year. Lost my life savings.
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Yes and I’m 6 days in my recovery from poker and drinking
Yep, I have bipolar disorder with psychotic features. Last year I went on a winning streak and was in a delusion that some cosmic force was rigging slots for me. Wound up losing over 6 figures after that streak. Its a tough combo to deal with. I’m still in early recovery, but GA has helped me.
If this helps, framing gambling like quitting smoking works for some too. When I get an urge I just tell myself “ok I’ll place a bet in 5 minutes” And then add another 5, and eventually the urges space out more and more. Wishing you the best in your recovery.
I was definitely out of my mind when I had my six figure loss. Moved to Connecticut right before the pandemic and the whole world shut down. Since I just moved there I didn’t know anybody and everyone was wearing masks. I smoked weed non stop with my dad, always smoked with my dad since I was a kid. We did acid too together. The pandemic made him really paranoid and he was yelling in public about the virus not being real and the government would turn us into slaves. I worked in a fedex warehouse and didn’t talk to anyone and went home and smoked weed with my dad. Since I had no friends and my dad had weed and I lived there I spent no money. I thought of moving back to Nevada but then my dad got cancer and I no longer want to leave while he was sick. I worked overtime came home, smoked, and did that for in Connecticut for years. I remember going to a casino with some people from work one day and realized that was the first time I’d been out with someone in over 3 years. My dad seemed to be getting better for a time but then things got worse and he was put on hospice. He was on fent and morphine and so much stuff for the cancer. I could hear him struggle to breath every night. One morning he was dead and didn’t make it through the night. I had spent over 5 years in Connecticut at that point and didn’t know anybody, all I did was work and go home and smoke and freak out about everything. During my entire time in Connecticut I had no expenses and put all my money into crypto. After my dad died I got a message from a friend about stake, and quickly started transferring my crypto to the site. I gambled over 40 hours in a 48 hour period. I lost all my crypto. I was completely out of my mind: I was playing a slot called three dancing monkeys at 5$ a spin spamming the spacebar while yelling out loud to myself and shaking until the sun came up. I drove off to Nevada after drinking and smoking the whole drive across the country. I’m surprised I survived that trip. After a year of being destitute in Nevada, I moved to Wisconsin and lived in my aunts basement (my dads younger sister). I worked and saved there for another year and saved up a little under 20k because I didn’t know anybody in that state either and wanted to save up a portion of what I lost gambling online. Then I got fired, drove to a casino and after I got out called my mom. I drove back to Connecticut and helped her get ready to move to Pittsburgh where she would be retiring. Now I’m in Pennsylvania and my first week here my car was stolen. I notice now stake isn’t available in CT or PA anymore. I’m here thinking about what could have gone differently if I didn’t gamble. However yeah I think I was in psychosis when I had the six figure loss, i had not really gambled in the 5 years before that and nearly the entirety of my gambling losses happened years ago during that time and had never gambled like that before or after. I was just completely out of my mind and detached from all the isolation of the pandemic and watching my dad die and my youth disappearing. All I did while I was in Connecticut was work and save, I had no socialization whatsoever and my dad was gone. I don’t think I would have gambled my life savings away if I was sane at the time, or if nobody sent me messages about the site. Since I was running all over being crazy after I haven’t done my taxes, and when I was in Wisconsin I just felt old and exhausted from everything that happened. I lost 2 Bitcoin and 15 Ethereum on that stupid site in a weekend and even though I haven’t gambled since its hard to stop thinking about. It feels like it was a dream, I was so out of my mind I just felt like someone was controlling my mind. I spent my 20s working OT various jobs, spent no money, lived with my parents and talked to nobody. Then shortly after my dad died I lost everything I had sacrificed my youth for in about 48 hours. So people can definitely lose everything during a mental break. I don’t really know where to go from here in my life.
UGLY TRUTH
Bro, I have exactly the same experience.
I get an adrenaline rush, complete paralysis when gambling, my heart starts pounding and my legs shake from nervousness. I have ADHD too. We have to stop the moment the paycheck arrives. I know it well. The rush comes, you start sweating and thinking that everything is ruined and that nothing matters anymore. But it does matter. That 125k will not come back. I have lost even more, and I could tell you stories like something out of a horror movie about the psychoses I went through. It leaves a mark on you, but it is not the end. You have to learn how to work with your thoughts. You cannot change the past. What you messed up, you have to fix. And honestly, the best thing is to find someone to manage your finances. You know how it is. Stay strong, bro. I am in recovery too.
i am really sorry you are dealing with this and it sounds terrifyiing to feel that loss of control. what helped me was realiziing that payday itself had to be treated liike a danger zone not a normal day. for me addiing hard barriers before money ever hit my account matttered more than intentions in the moment. this does not sound like a moral failure it sounds like your brain is overloaded and needs external structure. you are not beyond help even if it feels that way right now.
You most likely are undiagnosed Bipolar. From ChatGP below.
****** Being bipolar significantly increases the risk of developing a gambling addiction because of how the illness affects impulse control, reward processing, and judgment—especially during manic or hypomanic episodes. In those states, the brain is flooded with dopamine, which heightens risk-taking, creates an exaggerated sense of confidence, and reduces the ability to foresee negative consequences. Gambling fits perfectly into this neurochemical environment: it’s fast, unpredictable, and offers immediate rewards, all of which strongly stimulate the same brain circuits that are already overstimulated in mania.
Mania also distorts thinking in a way that makes gambling feel rational. People in a manic state often believe they have special insight, “systems,” or luck, and they overestimate their ability to control outcomes. This leads to chasing losses, increasing bet sizes, and ignoring financial limits. The normal internal brakes—fear, caution, and long-term planning—are weakened, so decisions are driven by emotion and sensation rather than logic.
Even outside of full mania, bipolar disorder involves chronic mood instability, which makes gambling appealing as emotional regulation. During depressive phases, gambling can temporarily relieve numbness or despair by providing stimulation and hope. Over time, the brain learns that gambling is a quick way to escape emotional pain or amplify excitement, reinforcing the behavior through powerful conditioning. This cycle—mania driving risk, depression driving escape—creates a much higher propensity for gambling addiction than in the general population